Once, when a deity came to the Buddha and questioned as to what the people in general regard as their wealth (kim su vatthu manussaanam), the Buddha replied that it is their children that people regard as their wealth (putta vatthu manussaanam samyutta N.I. 82 pts).
In giving this reply the Buddha, as a practically knowledgeable person about the affairs of life, gave vent to the general condition obtaining in the profane world, to which we ordinary humans belong. Even today, it is quite common for some of us at least to refer to our children as daru sampata or vastuwa, ‘the treasure of children’ in the same sense, thereby substantiating the above reply given by the Buddha.
This intimate relationship that generally exists between parents and children has been brought to the fore through another incident in the Buddha’s life which was when he got his erstwhile son seven-year old Rahula admitted into the order as a novice. This had been done without any consultation with Rahula’s elders, specially his chief guardian King Suddhodana, Rahula’s grandfather.
Rahula became fatherless when his father Prince Siddhartha went from home to homelessness and became a Buddha. Since then it was King Suddhodana who looked after Rahula as his grandfatherWhen he came to know of Rahula’s being admitted into the order at the Buddha’s request, Suddhadona became thoroughly perturbed, hurried to the Buddha and articulated his emotional upheaval in the following forceful manner: “When you, or Lord, renounced the world it was very great pain to me (as your father): it was equally so when Prince Nanda (Buddha’s cousin) was admitted into the order: now it is specially painful when child Rahula is also robbed from me. The love of a father towards his child into through the skin, the flesh, the sinew, the bone and marrow. Grant Lord, the request that the noble one may not confer ordination on a child without the prior approval of his parents,” (Mahavagga Pali, B.J. series, I, p-204). The Buddha readily complied with the request and made it a vinaya rule.
When the attachment of parents to their children is so powerful is general, it is to be expected that the parents do whatever possible for the good of their offspring as a biological necessity, as Mother Nature has meant it to be. The Buddha has been quite clear when he laid down the guidelines for regulating this all important relationship for the good of humanity in general. Here Buddhism does not treat children in isolation but as an integral component of the family unit, which remains in society as the basis of civilized living. As such, the Buddha’s advice is to regulate this social unit called the “family”, primarily consisting of parents and their children, on certain socio-ethical principles.
Accordingly, he has given the essential guidelines and instructions as to how a family should run its affairs, for the good of its members, leading to the greater good of society at large.Members of a family should live in mutual co-operation which initially and basically involves the reciprocal duties and obligations of husband and wife towards each other. This is on the grounds that unless the husband and wife manage their family properly no good can be expected regarding their offspring. Hence, a husband should regulate his conduct towards the wife by being courteous and kind to her, not despising her, by remaining sexually faithful to her, by handing over the household authority to her and also by providing her with clothing and jewellery to her liking.
The wife in turn should be perfect in the performance of her duties towards him, be hospitable to his relatives and family friends, be sexually faithful to him, protect his earnings, be industrious and not lethargic in discharging her duties. Once this basic relationship becomes cordial on the basis of these guidelines the family life becomes peaceful thereby creating the congenial background essential for the proper upbringing of children.As the next logical step the Buddha enumerates the basic ingredients that should prevail in the relationship between parents and children. When a married couple get children and become parents their responsibilities increase because they are in duty bound to bring up the children well and accordingly the Buddha advises them that they should restrain their children from evil ways, encourage them to do good, train them for a profession through formal education, arrange them suitable marriages and hand over the inherited property when the proper time has come for it.
The Buddha next enumerates the reciprocal duties of children towards their parents. Thus they should support the parents when they are in need of support, should discharge well their duties towards them, maintain the family traditions become worthy of family inheritance and offer alms in their honour after their demise.These guidelines demonstrate the high value attached by the Buddha to the harmony in family life. The main responsibility in bringing up children lies with the parents as so far shown and also as further indicated by the Buddha’s using the two epithets “first teachers” (bubbaacariya) and “noble” (Brahma) in qualifying the dignified position of parenthood. This parental duty is specifically relevant upto the age of five years of a child by which time the basic form of his personality becomes more or less established as the foundation for his gradual growth towards manhood.
Here it is of special significance that the vital first five formative years of a child are usually spent under parental care. By using the aforementioned pair of epithets to identify the good parent, the Buddha has only emphasised the high degree of responsibility cast on the parents in this vital sphere.Viewed against this Buddhist backdrop it becomes quite evident that parents are to be held primarily responsible for the aggravation of children’s problems in the contemporary society. This has happened basically through the gradual erosion of social values.
Thus the observations made by the Secretary-General of United Nations, Kofi Annan (vide Daily News, 10-05-02) at the inauguration of the special UN session on children on the 9th of last May, constitute a correct judgment comprehensively supportive of the Buddhist view so far delineated. Said Annan “grown ups have failed the world’s children by allowing malnutrition, disease, and abuse to ravage the young.” Annan lists here the basic rights of children that have been desired to most of them in today’s world as freedom from poverty and hunger, from infectious disease, abuse and exploitation, denial of education etc.He further adds “as today’s elders have failed deplorably in upholding these rights, these guilty elders should now reverse the (above) list as a duty by them”. the UN Secretary-General’s views are in total agreement with the Buddhist view.
A child neglected by his parents would very often end up as a victim either of child labour or child abuse. Commercial sexual exploitation being a big business today the dangers of child neglect are amply grave. Sex perverts are quite common in contemporary society and their search for victims has to be thwarted by the vigilance of the elders. Once victimised a child’s career will suffer heavily from its ravages and very often than not the victim would also end up as a perpetrator of the very crime of which he became a victim. This is an extremely threatening vicious circle that has to be arrested by all the elders who value and promote decent living.Parental attachment towards children being stronger than vice versa, it is the bounden duty of all children to abide by the instructions of their parents and make secure their future to live as dutiful citizens.